poetry

On Going Home

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ Leave a comment

Two decades on, you pull me home,
quiet and still by the river,
patiently waiting for my return,
memories to deliver.

Spin around the cloverleaf,
climb down Devil’s backbone,
cruise the strip and park,
and see the savings and loan.

See the old schools and church,
graying, crumbling, fading away,
still tall and solid in your mind,
but nevermore that way.

You set out looking for more,
looking for fairness and love,
saying goodbye to what you knew,
saying goodbye to God above.

The marriage, the house, the job,
it’s all come true, all right here.
But at a cost only you can know,
letting go of things held dear.

I come back with the seasons,
rushing in with the bitter cold,
running to see what has changed,
running to see what has sold.

I’ve come home again, year after year,
looking for the town I cherished,
but the town that raised me
has all but perished.

The schools have all changed,
the old friends moved on,
the sunny beautiful spots in my mind,
grotesquely pawned.

A few bright lights remain,
stones solid and true.
Not for a lack of love or want,
but the familiar are now the few.

I pass through Elm and Letcher,
and Center and Churchill too.
Places I once rested my head,
now dreams will have to do.

On a Day at the Beach

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ Leave a comment

Dancing in the sun, yellow bright,
sand deep in my toes.
Lobbing the ball back and forth,
the score marching to and fro.

Days of youth and splendor,
a long future ahead.
Care free and free of care,
not a worry in anyone’s head.

A pass, a serve, and a spike,
a call to teammates beat.
Blue and green surf all around,
lapping on our dancing feet.

Soak up the sun, swirling sea air,
loping down the wooden pier.
Red skin stinging, but
nothing more to feel or fear.

Frozen in time, frozen in warmth,
the games to fifteen reset.
The punched ball sailing and sliding,
past the ragged black net.

Those long ago days at the beach,
clear as the emerald green wave,
a time to be young and cool,
a treasured memory to save.

Serve the ball one more time,
sneak it ‘cross the other side,
let the sun kiss your neck,
and never fear confide.

On Making Giants

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ Leave a comment

I took a man and made him a giant,
crafted in my mind the story,
a hero’s tale, a hero for me,
to him all the honor, love, and glory.

I took a man and made him a giant,
the benefit of every doubt,
always a winner, always there,
never left alone, never left out.

I took a man and made him a giant,
tales in my silly head,
crafted the greatest character,
ignoring reality instead.

I took a man and made him a giant,
filling the blanks all the time,
never wondering if he was
genuinely a friend of mine.

I took a man and made him a giant,
made him into what I dreamed,
never realizing what I needed,
was not what it seemed.

I took a man and made him a giant,
tales in my silly head,
crafted the greatest character,
ignoring reality instead.

I took a man and made him a giant,
towering so high and so tall,
I never really saw it coming,
the precipitous, duplicitous fall.

I took a man and made him a giant,
only realizing too late,
that wishes and hopes and dreams
don’t tempt fate.

I took a man and made him a giant,
tales in my silly head,
crafted the greatest character,
ignoring reality instead.

On Our Plans and Plots Suspended

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ 1 Comment

If only the sound of your name,
the dream of your face,
was enough to bring forward,
in this time and place.

A sweet wish occupies and holds,
our plans and plots suspended,
for this bounty to arrive,
our world upended.

The big clocks tick and tock,
the calendar pages flip,
we busy our minds away,
stealing our hearts on a trip.

I command, invoke, and direct,
but your love is in no rush,
for such a perfect thing is free
and unmoved by pull or push.

But I hope you hear my quiet plea,
for your place is set,
an anticipation growing stronger,
a mighty emotional debt.

You are here in so many ways,
worries and laughter and cheer.
Imagined moments and triumphs,
drawing us all near.

I know you may never come,
a fate to be missed, to be far,
And we will accept the judgement,
if only you be a wish on a star.

But if ever a love is true,
if the test is joy, pure and clear,
then we have faith we will pass,
when we meet my dear.

These hearts will continue to prepare,
to shelter you in warmth and peace,
to hold you safe from all darkness
in a love that does not cease.

If only the sound of your name,
the dream of your beautiful face,
was enough to bring you gently forward,
in this time and place.

On A Life Denied

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ Leave a comment

You carry your burden,
always with you now,
a great and sad loss,
head heavy bowed.

To make alright I would,
my only true want,
but this pain preceded me,
and continues to haunt.

We have this history and love,
but I’m not sure I know you.
I see me in you, you in me,
and he is in me too.

A distance caused by a loss,
a loss I cannot know.
I cannot bear, could not bear,
the death that is your foe.

I see your tired eyes and soul,
singing its silent sad song,
but I cannot ease your trial,
after these cruel decades long.

You must know there has been love,
and laughter and joy and peace.
Why have you not enjoyed them,
was your loss too deep to cease?

My pledge to you, my solemn word,
is that I will not recall the pain,
the twist of fate so tightly wrapped,
across your gentle heart heavily lain.

I will recall the strength, every day,
to carry on, to move on, to endure,
into unknown valleys and peaks,
knowing only to be unsure.

The life you wanted so denied,
but that love still remains,
three then four then five lights,
remnants all, and your gain.

I know the light is still there,
waiting for a reunion thus,
and I pray for you it happens,
if there is justice, it must.

You will dance and sing and smile again,
a broken heart finally mended,
for so much love surrounds you,
the arms you desire to embrace you, extended.

On Water’s Edge

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ Leave a comment

Shake my soul, and it will appear,
the carnage of the fight,
long buried, not long forgotten,
the forsaken lagan.

I carry it with me, quietly,
a constant friend, foe,
the scar of a different time,
a shamed master.

Farewelled from me, and
me from faring well,
a last knife, a final twist,
a freefall from all known.

Now lie silent, now lie derelict,
consume the cold dark,
forget the sun, forget me,
lie abandoned, your just reward.

Your black tentacles reach far,
and for far too long,
a traitorous urchin, silent,
witness to the wreck.

A discordant chord rips through,
a sail whips me,
a bitter taste, a bitter memory,
a master forgetting its shame.

You’ve dipped below the sun,
dipped below all that matters,
all that moves here and there,
on these blue waters.

Now lie silent, now lie derelict,
consume the cold dark,
forget the sun, forget me,
lie abandoned.

On Two Little Satellites

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ 1 Comment

Two little satellites,
circling around me,
two little giants,
loving and carefree.

Have I told you my dreams?
Can you possibly know?
How I miss your smiles,
deep in my heart they go.

Two little ramble boys,
with energy and play,
two little dreamers,
small only for today.

You may be all that I leave,
all that I can bequeath,
take my life and care, and
never from my love retreat.

Two little best pals,
so close and so kind,
two little royal heirs,
the ties that do bind.

Live your nows, unaware
sing, dance, run, and joke,
For you hold a special treasure,
my beyond today hopes.

Two little monkeys,
high up on a swing,
two little achievers,
the plaudits that sing.

Your future will be bright,
shining up, up, and above,
For you will always have me,
my care and my dear love.

On an Anticipated Son

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ 3 Comments

How can I long for you,
how can I miss your face?
When I do not know, after all,
your time, your smile, your place.

You are but a dream today,
A song so sweet in my heart,
that, even now, I so fear
from that love to be apart.

You dance warmly in my dreams,
coming and going as you please,
breaking my heart when you fade,
slipping my hands with ease.

You came with a whisper,
choirs singing so sweetly,
but now you roar like a lion,
unchallenged and deeply.

I confess I am not ready,
and I will confess much more,
if you will only show yourself,
and erase the ghosts of before.

But I am left with only this love,
this love of something not known,
all my faults and sins and wrongs,
those I will gladly for you own.

If you hear my cry and prayer,
do not think me weak,
for it is a terribly great love,
a great reward that I seek.

I will stand here and wait,
I know not where to search.
It is you who must find,
and claim us from this perch.

On the day you find me,
do not mind my gentle tears,
for you will be here, my love,
my son, my child, my dear.

On Finding Love

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ Leave a comment

Sit with me in a quiet place in my soul,
shut out the world and rest.
I looked for so very long and am weary,
false starts and many deceptions.

I was always looking for you,
You without a name.
Why did you make me wait,
why all the concessions?

All the missed years, the happy times
that could have filled them.
But I shuffled the sorrow and loss,
biding my time for you.

But you were cruel and unkind,
and why must I suffer?
What debt did I owe, why,
Why must I prove my worth?

Commanding the seen and unseen,
launching my ship and more.
How do you guide those,
those unknown and foreign to you?

Everyone desired to find,
all wanting one, one wanting all.
Selfish joy, greed, and envy, hiding you.
But I was always looking for you.

But you no longer tarry.
No more misses or wrong tries.
Seven years of unending light,
to love, to live, and to marry.

I bask in the radiant sun, warm,
Pink fleshed, clear eyed,
Feeling whole with you.
Feeling whole without you.

Your quiet calm, your smile,
Greet me each day without fail.
No wrong reaches me now,
my protective balm.

Sweet nothings are nothing,
My pledge means more,
to rise and meet you
and worry together nevermore.

Take my hand, and I will take yours.
Let us be together, here, now.
A peace, a pause,
My personal and permanent vow.

Sit with me in a quiet place in my soul,
shut out the world and rest.
I was always looking for you,
I was always looking for you.

On A Trip to the Clinic

~ Maxwell Xavier ~ 1 Comment

Obese and pregnant,
hobbled and old,
parents and child,
meek and bold.

To the clinic they come,
hurting most are.
Scrapes and scuffs and cuts,
All the future scars.

Sinks and soaps,
gloves on hands.
Gowns and socks,
and an old bed pan.

Crinkle the paper,
hop on up.
Look over here,
pee in the cup.

Cough right here,
turn this way,
Wiggle your toes,
how much do you weigh?

Sinks and soaps,
gloves on hands.
Gowns and socks,
and an old bed pan.

Feeling sorta sad?
Been kinda blue?
You can smile lots more
Or pills take a few.

Needles and pricks,
topical and optical,
sign this consent,
been anywhere tropical?

Sinks and soaps,
gloves on hands.
Gowns and socks,
and an old bed pan.

X-rays and eye charts,
and an MRI,
Could be anything probably,
but maybe just pink eye.

Here’s your script,
written all for you.
Hurry along now,
You’ll be as good as new.

Sinks and soaps,
gloves on hands.
Gowns and socks,
and an old bed pan.

Almost done at last,
ready to start your day.
Just stand in line some more,
with your co-pay.

It’s all over now,
you’ll be better soon.
Back to feeling good,
probably before noon.

Sinks and soaps,
gloves on hands.
Gowns and socks,
And an old bed pan.