On Controlling Waffles

This week, hubby and I received a wonderful Christmas gift: a waffle maker. And, demonstrating that my brother- and sister-in-law really know me, it makes four waffles at once. Breakfasts in 2016 just got a lot better.

As happy and excited as I was to receive the gift, the packaging left me flummoxed. On the box, the many virtues of our new waffle maker were extolled, from its sleek stainless steel exterior (it goes great with any countertop!) to its hidden heat coils. Leading the list of plaudits, however, was “the endless possibilities.” The waffle manufacturer was kind enough to give hubby and me permission to put anything on our waffles we wanted; truly, the possibilities are endless! From syrup to strawberries to blueberries to butter to peanut butter…I mean, you name it, we can put it on our waffles now. Whipped cream? Not a problem. Fried chicken? Of course. Hot sauce? Why the hell not!

This freedom, so graciously granted, comes as a big relief. For years, the biggest obstacle in our marriage has been overbearing kitchen appliances.  Our stand mixer gets all shook up if we stay out too late, while the coffee maker heats up when we don’t share our feelings. We won’t even talk about how passive aggressive the food processor can be. And we’re still trying to forget the six months of counseling we had with the fondu pot. To this day, I maintain that the therapist was wrong to make us go on that meditation retreat…

The point is: we’ve been at the mercy of our kitchen appliances for too long, but, no more! Finally, a kitchen appliance that won’t be high maintenance. We can live our lives to the fullest, knowing it won’t hold us back, hem us in, put us in a box, silence us, control us, or isolate us. We can put absolutely anything on our waffles. No rules. No limits. No expectations. No hidden agendas. No ultimatums. No jealousies. No tantrums.

Finally. Freedom. Waffle freedom. How did we go so long without it?

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